March

Look how far I’ve come. I remember mascara stains on my face and finding comfort in my sorrow, but now I'm in New Zealand, seeing a person in the mirror who loves others. I lay down everything and then pick up what God asks of me. I am capable, but does God want me to do it? Whatever I say yes to means I'm saying no to something else. My priority is prayer, feeling the Spirit, and then owning that. If God wants to challenge me by not letting me have what I want, then so be it. I need nothing but Him. I give up my family not because it's easy but because I love them, and I will be like Abraham, who was willing to sacrifice his only son, but in the end, God didn’t make him do it. It was the willingness that mattered, and then he was blessed.

Your life choices are what you base your reactions on. When we process things, we connect one situation to other situations. I want all situations to be pure as a foundation for future situations in life, like a repetition of God’s goodness. When I see it in other people’s lives, I want to copy it. The cool thing, though, is that I don’t need to copy them specifically because God made us all different to have different relationships with the Lord. I just get to know Jesus deeper because He’s always with me. Ah, I don’t have to read a book about Him. I can know Him simply by bringing Him into every situation I’m in. I get to take on the peace of Him and decide what I will do based on my knowledge of Him, and then I get to own that and move on. However way God uses it, I get to learn from it. I am bold, but I can have patience and stand in the background to see others move forward towards Him. God doesn’t ask me to be the center of attention; He asks Him to be. My love, my family, my adventure, my drive, my passion- it's all for Him because it's all from Him.

My mind is filled with wholesome memories, I'm not hard on myself. This is the grace of God; He leads my path, and I follow, floating on a leaf. I’m His princess, and I just get to look pretty and be nice. My feminist view would say this is lame, but back in the day, I was grasping for things to fulfill me rather than already being fulfilled. I get to live in the moment with the Lord. Ah, taking the Lord’s presence into it with you is so pertinent. I love how every word I say can disciple a person, so I will not say things frivolously. How I act affects me… and everyone else. How do you narrate your life? I believe social skills are the most powerful of all skills to have in life. This is what it's all about, the people. How can I improve my social skills, you might ask? Well, it starts with knowing yourself. Who are you? Go on a long journey of figuring that out, and you will conclude that you are a daughter or son of the King. Now, what do you do with that? Well, you just get to be with Him without trying. All you need to do is recognize Him in every circumstance. An overflow of this will be your social skills because that's where you will find grace for people, love, compassion, confidence, boldness, excitement, and fulfillment.

I struggle with pride. On a trip from Dunedin to Invercargill to Bluff and back from sleeping in my car to the street to the comfort of a friend's rural home, I gained a lot of perspective. One, I can travel for very cheap by hitchhiking with a friend, which is a very common, very safe, and very easy form of transportation here in New Zealand which comes with its perks of humbling yourself enough to stick out your thumb in hopes of getting a ride, tests your patience and willingness to endure the sun and walk some, and gives you a perfect opportunity to evangelize as well as simply appreciating the kindness of strangers willing to show compassion to two fools on the side of the road. Unexpected people are good. We had the opportunity to meet a German girl named Nadine, who is traveling solo in New Zealand for a year (very common). I was out by the docks late at night with a buddy reading The Chronicles of Narnia, and a kind homeless man named Andy in a hi-vis vest came by to share his life story, teach me a little about God, and key us in on all the good spots around town that a homeless person should know about. Traveling to “the butthole,” as some would say (it’s realistically a charming town) at the very end of New Zealand. We never waited longer than 15 minutes for a car to pull over. First was a college student named Gin, who was going to pick up a desk. We were then picked up by an English woman named Hannah, who was going to hit some waves and drove us a good way until she dropped us off, and we were taken the rest of the way by a dad named Scott, and then a man from Bluff. On the way back, we caught a woman headed to the grocery store and another man headed home. All the while, our diet was peanut butter tortillas. People are kind. Be unashamed. Be pure. Go out and live. Give the world what you’ve got. Be unafraid (with fear of the Lord).

Quiet time is key. Typically, you can get this early in the morning or late at night. What’s unfortunate about our environment is it's on the side of the highway. It's constantly noisy from people driving away, and you listen to this repetitively as the cars come and go, swooshing down the endless road combined with the lovely chirping birds.

It's good to take account of your environment to recognize what’s affecting you. I live in a room with five other girls in bunks stacked next to each other while we share a closet and bathroom. It’s a community together, seven days a week, three months at a time. The ministry is the ultimate focus, as well as getting chores done. Socializing to challenge the other, build one another up, and learn from each other. The idea is to build community so we can have more community elsewhere. It's learning to apply. I don’t want to take from this community; I want to give to it. So I’ll sit here behind the scenes, living my life unto God for His glory. I am humble, I am kind, I am gentle. I will make every day count. I will be on top of everything.

When I get annoyed, I realize there’s something in me that God needs to finetune. I also notice that we are called to be undignified. It's not fun to slow down. God is making me tenderhearted so I won’t have a hard heart. This means I’ll be more vulnerable; I can’t hide behind my pride, and I can’t view people as enemies. This means I can follow God’s guidance undignified and unashamed. I can speak kindly to others in a gentle way so as not to seem like I am deserving of anything. I am content the way I am, and I will overflow; I can have nothing, and I can have everything. It's whatever God calls me into in each season, and I am here for it every time. I ride the wave and unpack my bags.

What is home? Spend a day cleaning and organizing. It's in our nature to need to nest and get tucked in. This way, you allow for continual rest as you walk with the Lord and take on more responsibilities. You want organized responsibilities. Take the time to slow down and don’t hide. Crying is good; it shows tenderheartedness. It's not laying all my problems before others, but it's bringing others into a deeper understanding of ourselves.

Quiet time is something my mom excels at. It doesn’t have to look a certain way; it's about observation. It's about taking everything you have and giving it to the Lord, asking what He wants you to do with it. Humble yourself, allowing for conviction, action, and freedom. What’s bothering me today? How can I mend that? What can I pray for? What can I make time for? "How can I be intentional, God, in prioritizing the things that You value?" I want to resemble Jesus, but I don’t want to become Him. Listening is the greatest thing you can do for someone because, often, God will speak to them through your silence.

A marriage is beautiful. It's a life of working while the other rests and vice versa. If you’re going to rest, rest deeply; make it clear, communicate, and be unashamed about what you need to do. Feel called to follow the Lord. What does He need you to do in that moment? If you’re working, work diligently. Go the extra mile to share all that you know about a job well done, considering others, communicating effectively, focusing, and resting at the end of it.

What I see as a good day's work, includes all the necessary components. One is a leader who bears more mental stress than physical, and we offer grace for them. The assistant listens to directions and follows through to the best of their ability with a positive attitude and experiences more physical stress than mental. There will be more of these assistants than leaders. Then, some are not part of the work at all but simply watch from a distance to see how they can contribute in small ways that don’t interfere. This might involve bringing out the lemonade, ensuring there are tools, water, and snacks, planning a restful activity for afterward, offering a helping hand, and encouraging the workers. We want to show special appreciation for these individuals, as they may feel they are contributing little when, in fact, they are doing what often goes overlooked.