February

It's interesting that when I was younger, I would take tests such as the MCAs or something, and if it weren’t timed, I'd sit there and write my feelings in the note, but once you go onto the next question, it deletes. I often had much frustration from this because I’ve always considered my thoughts gold, and I still do. I know God respects me, trusts me, and honors me. So, I don’t need to seek honor, trust, or respect from anyone else. I can lower the expectation I have that others ought to be perfect at loving me, and I can continue to dwell not on how I can love others better because that's honestly looking in my strength, but I can focus on just how much God loves me, and through that, I will overflow!

The things we all struggle with are different, so I don’t need to look at what others struggle with and assume we have the same problem. Ah, man, and when I pity myself, I make other people feel bad, and that's never my intent. If I say to someone, “Yes, I think you have gypped me,” I ought to say it in a way where they are already off the hook, but I want to acknowledge something to move forward.

I learned recently that you can change a culture simply by being a part of it, and I also learned that you can get worked too hard to the point of getting a stroke. Anxiety… I've been learning a lot about it recently with this feeling that there's just so much to be done; therefore, I'll do nothing. It's the idea that something small starts to seem big. It's where either there are a lot of expectations on me or I'm putting a lot of expectations on myself when, in reality, either of these cases can be fixed by you doing something about it. I'm going to plan out my day to be the most productive. Wake up and go for a run. If that run doesn’t happen, adjust and go for the run the next second you’re free, so you don’t dwell on the fact that you didn't do it. You don’t want to overlook the things you prioritize.

A sleep schedule is important, as well as communication. Whether in a family or a community, it's always best to let people know what you’re up to so they can plan accordingly and not have to guess. We want peace and unity, right? However, none of this will mean much unless you apply it. Do you suffer from boredom? Get a calendar! I don’t mean just for events, though. If you want to take advantage of every second of your life, plan what you will do when you wake up. Everything I do in a day is in my Apple calendar on a widget that I can see and open up easily without getting distracted. I want to minimize how often I get distracted on my phone and ask myself, “Is this productive?” This question will help you with a lot of self-respect. I promise you that you will not struggle with boredom anymore if you prioritize every second and are intentional about planning and using a calendar.

Don't fight your environment. As someone who’s moved around a lot since graduating, I’ve learned that every place is going to have a different schedule, and I have to be adaptable. Stubbornness will only make things harder for yourself and the people around you. Hopefully, this will help you be a great leader and be on top of things. Still, follow the Spirit, allow yourself to enjoy what you’re doing, and always be honest about how you’re doing so people can be aware. Have a divine dance with God constantly, and never be afraid to take a step back and let yourself breathe. Let yourself breathe, and then remind yourself of what you need. If that need is a motivational speaker, pull it up. It's worse when you are off but won’t communicate why. This is because you, whether knowingly or not, are judging others, so you, therefore, feel judged by others and can’t open up. You have to believe that it's all in your head. Even if somebody unknowingly judges you, you don’t have to take on a victim mindset, but you can conquer that problem by simply saying you’ll love them no matter what because you are already loved and accepted by God.

Don’t judge! Don’t judge kids, don’t judge parents, and don’t judge grandparents. This will stop you from learning. Observing with love is the best advice I could give you. The second you give a furrowed brow, it's evident on your face what you are thinking in your head, and you’ve now put a wedge in that relationship or conversation, at least until you can redeem yourself and apologize. Apologizing sincerely is key to strengthening a relationship for them to see the effort you’re putting in to honor them. It doesn’t mean you were wrong, but it's acknowledging that if you were wrong, you are willing to do a 180º to salvage the relationship. It means you are willing to do what needs to be done to have a good relationship with that person.

I also want to go into pursuing people because many of us suffer from this feeling of not being pursued enough, but what if we all felt completely content with just how much Jesus pursues us? We would then want to show that love to others by being the one pursuing them and never getting into the pity party of feeling like nobody wants to hang out with us, no one cares, and we’re all alone. None of this is true. It's all in your head because while everyone is dealing with their problems, you’re thinking, why am I not also one of their problems? Friendship is about taking the problems off of a person, and what better way to influence a culture than to be the one who cares? Take the problems off of someone else and see them want to do the same for you. Do unto others as you want others to do unto you. I thought I'd figured this out as a kid but hadn’t done it long enough to see a change. I'd try it once and then expect my sister to follow suit, but of course, she didn’t because we are people of routine. I didn’t do it long enough for her to consciously or subconsciously notice, and I was also putting too much expectation on her when there should have been grace. We should be people who aren’t transactional. If someone does something kind to me, that doesn’t mean I have the pressure now to do something kind to them, and it is the same with me; I should never expect anything from anyone simply by doing a kind thing. It's good to constantly wonder how I can love another person more and take that pressure off by knowing that your presence is enough. It's better to give gifts out of wanting to rather than feeling obligated to.

When taking advice from someone, it's important to see the fruit of where that advice takes you. Does this person look like they are living a life that’s admirable or not? This is the switch I noticed in going from a student to a leader, not that I stop learning, but I take more things in with a grain of salt. I recognize more and more how quickly God is growing me. I take my hands off the wheel and trust that He is in full control. A lesson I learned while growing up is that I can ask people who love me to pay attention or expect them to, but no matter how good they are, they aren’t perfect. The challenge is to love your neighbor as yourself. I believe God blesses those who are kind, but not the blessings you would assume, the blessings you can’t imagine. Love others, but don’t forget to take time away, breathe, and come back so you can love them even more. It's about loving them, not them loving you; remember that. God loves you no matter if you love Him, let's be like that.

What are you thinking about daily? How do you gain more self-respect? Ask, “Lord, what do you love about me?” and “Lord, what do you need me to do today to advance your kingdom?” We’re meant to carry each other’s burdens; you’re never meant to do it alone (Galatians 6:2). The bright star only showed up temporarily for the wise men, and then they just had to trust what they saw and eventually made it only by faith. No longer am I held by the yoke of this world. I come up under the yoke of Jesus. His yoke is easy. His burden is light! (Matthew 11:28-30) You are not a slave to your flesh; you’re a child of God, a child and an heir with full inheritance (Romans 6:16). It’s a virtue to do things you don’t want to do if it's good for you because it builds character.

Being too selfless can be destructive because you start worrying about what other people think. You can even go so far as not doing the basic things you need to do as a human. You are God’s child, so take care of God’s child. It's good to think of others, but remember, at the end of the day, you are a temple; this is your home. To know about the world is to pray for the world. God is constantly reminding me of wholesome memories. I try to be aware and not introspective to avoid letting my thoughts distract me from what's happening. I instantly write an idea down as I have it so I can go on with my day without letting it fester in my mind. Let your yes be your yes, and don’t hesitate or overthink it. You’ll feel the weight if you don’t go right away, and that weight will sit in your mind and fester, making it harder to move on. I can say what I need to say and not feel stressed the rest of the day for not going for it. Hear this: “What you spend your mind on affects your life.” Make sure it's worthwhile for you and not for anyone else.

I like to rest when I need to. When the rest has been earned, I can say I am proud. I see Josh out there mowing the lawn, and the bad, pitiful response would be, "I should be doing that too,” but the mature response is, "I’m happy for him for spending his weekend however he wants.” I’ll acknowledge how it looks fun, but I won’t allow myself to feel pressured to do anything other than what I’m doing because that's not beneficial for anyone. I own the decisions I make for how I spend my time. Well, I think the best way of life is trusting and loving yourself. Discipline is choosing not to hesitate in obedience to the Spirit. If I have something to say and don’t say it, it's crippling, and now I’ve learned discipline is doing things like getting to bed early so that I can get up early so that I can be on time and be prepared. I don’t do it for anyone but myself.

Wake up and say whatever you need to say to yourself: “I am a powerful woman,” “I am a daughter of the king,” “This is a day the Lord has given me,” “I will attack today,” “Make this day your darling.” Keep looking to be like the person you admire, and keep that self-respect. Insecurity and pride go hand in hand, just like humility and confidence do. We're flawed people, but don’t let that stop you from following the Spirit when you have something to say and your heart is right. You’re not judging. You’re not striving. Your heart is to love and influence, so use the voice God has given you in reverence. Are you a master in that department? If so, take the initiative. If you know something, run with it so others can learn. I can reflect that I know a bit about love because I know Jesus. I can reflect that I know a bit about a good family dynamic because I have one. I know a bit about relationships because I’ve been a part of some, and I know a bit about being sad because I’ve been there. I know a bit about being anxious because I’ve been there. I can’t help people if I’m being an airhead. I’m checking myself constantly by reading the room, seeing where my priorities are, and how I can kindly say this for them to receive it well. If I do not check that first, I shall not say anything and move on, thinking about how to love people again but first being the best for myself so that I can then be my best for others. I have lived with myself a lot longer than I have lived with anyone else, and I require attention from myself as well.

I don’t know responsibility. I want to know more about it. I am content but not complacent. Conquer yourself, then life. Now I know what striving is because God showed me that it is trying when you’re not capable. It is trying to do something for someone else, not for God. I am one with God, like a marriage. Pursue excellence! I can do hard things. “I need you to be Lord of my life. Humble me, God!” He’s a lamb. This is how I have grace for people. THEY ARE LAMBS…little lambs. Thank you, God, for today. Prayer is the agreement with God’s character and nature. Pray out what you know as the truth of Him. “The good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep.” Awareness helps you get out of your mind.

“God, I feel such freedom. Knowing who I am as a child of God empowers me. I want that for everyone, believing it would make this place better- a kingdom of Heaven on Earth.” The lie that “I’m always pursuing, and no one ever pursues me” circulates worldwide, but I will devote all my effort to making people feel loved and pursued rather than wallowing in self-pity. I have Jesus, who pursues me. I will not be ungrateful. I will remain humble before the Lord (this is not about others). Servant leadership carries you a long way. This is a posture of the heart. Teachability is a heart attitude toward others! “God, bring me back to the power of prayer. How can I honor people well?” I've noticed that anxiety arises from trying to take hold of my life when it is not mine. Anxiety is worrying about my future, which I want God to control. It's intriguing how conviction works. We believe everyone can see us and that we are exposed, but really, it's between you and God; your response reveals your intention and allows you to be free. Remain unoffended, communicate, and honor. “Let God take over my mind, not myself. Teach me how to honor you, God. I can honor others well. Everything I do, I want to do for you, so I will check every time if this honors you, and I will seek to know you better.”